3 Years!

 Mike and I have been married for three years as of March 25th. I can't believe its already been three years. It doesn't feel like its been that long (in a good way). I am so happy when people tell us that we still act like newlyweds. I hope and pray that we never stop. I know that three years probably doesn't seem like much to the people who have been married a long time but I feel like its significant and something that should be celebrated.

 Its been a wonderful three years! I'm so lucky to have married such a wonderful man. I love that when we go to church people say we are so cute together and still act like newly weds. That has been my goal from day 1. The best advice I got when I got married was to give my marriage all of the love and patience I have. To help each other, hold hands, laugh, take more pictures than you need, have fun, hug and kiss even when you don't feel like it (especially when you don't feel like it) and to also support and listen to each other. I know its only been three years so some may say that I know nothing and maybe I don't but I do know that what I was told was great advice. I'm not saying its easy but doing these things has made us a lot happier.

So we have been married for 36 months.

We've been together for 48 months.

We have eternity left to spend together and life it wonderful!

I love you sweetie!

Tales of a Late Bloomer

 So that you all know this post contains medical information about me. Its kind of girly and might be a bit too personal for some. So if womanly topics make you uncomfortable then you can leave now and I won't blame you at all. Also, please know now that I am not writing this to gain sympathy or pity. I simply want to get out in writing my experiences so that I can remember them and explain why I might be a little more emotional than some but if you are interested in knowing some of my history then please read on and enjoy.

 The story begins about 5 years ago when I was 17. At this age most girls have gone through puberty and have been experiencing their cycle for a few years. I however had not gone through puberty and had not started my period or had any signs or indications that I was going to any time soon. I had expressed my concerns to my parents who had expressed them to my pediatrician who felt that I was just a late bloomer. However, in November of 2007 my doctor finally agreed that something might be wrong (you know maybe although he didn't really think so) and gave us the name of a pediatric endocrinologist at MUSC.

I will never forget that first doctor's visit. I was so scared and nervous. You know that feeling when you know something bad is going to happen and you almost know what is going to happen but you think that if you don't deal with it then maybe it'll just go away? That's how I felt on the way to the hospital. I knew what the doctor was going to say and I really didn't want to hear it. I felt like if someone else confirmed what I already felt then that would make it true and I didn't know if I could handle that. Basically, if no one else said it then I could just tell myself that I was wrong.

Anyway, my mom and I met with the endocrinologist. I explained that I hadn't experienced puberty or any of the signs of it. She was very concerned and started naming all of the possible things that could be wrong with me. A few of the things she mentioned were: brain tumor (always fun to hear before any tests of any kind are done), Turner syndrome, hypothyroidism and some other things. Remember, at this point no tests have been done but she is making it sound like it has to be something that she has just named. At this point I was freaking out so much that I had to excuse myself to go cry in the bathroom.

The doctor finally ordered blood tests to check my hormone levels, thyroid and pituitary problems as well as any chromosome issues that I might have. She also had me go see an X-ray technician to find out my bone age to see if my bones were maturing normally. When the results came back we found out that my bone growth was close to that of a 13 year old and that my hormone levels were extremely low (almost to the point of not being there). The tests also showed that my thyroid was normal, their were no chromosomal problems that they could find and I didn't have Turner Syndrome (YAY). However all of that meant that they didn't know what was wrong....always comforting to hear. So I started freaking out again! So many questions went through my mind....Am I broken? Can this be fixed and if it can then how? If I can't go through puberty then can I ever have children or is this the end of that?

We went back to the doctor to discuss what they knew for a fact and what they were guessing the problem was. Since I didn't have hypothyroidism, a tumor, turner sydrome or anything life threatening the only thing left was central hypogonadism aka delayed puberty. (At this point I'm thinking...yeah I knew that much now tell me how to fix it...so happy my parents paid to find out that little gem of information). What I wanted to know was why and the doctor really only had one theory. She said that something was wrong with my pituitary gland that was causing it not to function properly. Your pituitary gland is what sends the signal to your ovaries to release estrogen into your body. For some reason this signal was not being sent so my body wasn't making estrogen.

I had an MRI done on my pituitary gland. People told me before I went in that it was going to be terrible, loud, and uncomfortable experience. Honestly, I had earplugs for the noise, a blindfold so I wouldn't feel claustrophobic in the tube, and a blanket to keep me warm. With the earplugs I found the low grumble to be soothing and I was warm so I basically just about fell asleep. The results showed that my pituitary gland was slightly smaller than it should be which meant it was most likely the problem.

I was started on Premarin right away. This was a straight estrogen pill. They started me out on the lowest dose (.3) and gradually raised it over the next couple of years. They said that they would increase the dose every few months until my period started. Once my cycle began I would stop taking the Premarin and start taking Provera/birth control to regulate the period.

So over the next  year and a half or so I went through puberty and experienced all of the lovely things that come with that. I have to say though the worst part of this experience was that I was going to BYU-Idaho. Not only was I going through all of these changes but I would be going through most of them by myself. The majority of girls have a mother, sister or at least friends to go through puberty with and I wasn't going to have any of that with me in Idaho (at least not right away and I wasn't comfortable telling anyone).

Fast forward to October 2009. Its been almost 2 years since my first doctor's appt. I had since been to see Dr. R who was an adult endocrinologist. She had come to the same conclusion as the previous doctor so I was still on the highest dose of Premarin. My estrogen and other hormone levels were increasing like they should be. Then towards the end of October 2009 I finally started my period (YAY?). I started the provera immediately and I stayed on the provera until February 2011.

In Feb. 2011 I went to my first gynecologist appt. I had been feeling sick from the provera for a while. I was tired a lot, nauseous, and just kind of a general yucky feeling. I explained my problems to her and she suggested that I go off the provera and see if my period continued without help. Honestly, I know that I shouldn't have done it. I knew she was wrong and that going off would be a bad decision but I was so tired of how I'd been feeling and I figured if I can't get pregnant and start my family on the birth control or off of it then why put myself through it? She did write me a prescription for the provera so I could get back on but their were some issues with getting it refilled and since I was no longer a patient at MUSC I wasn't able to refill it.

After about 3 months of seeing if anything was going to happen and then nothing changing, I started getting more and more frustrated and depressed. I wanted to go see a reproductive endocrinologist to discuss our options for having a family but the closest one was in Salt Lake City which was too far away so we decided to wait til we moved which was only a year away. Even though I was busy, I was also living in Rexburg- pregnant capital of the world. People were constantly asking Mike and I when we were going to have children. We politely responded "we will have children whenever the Lord is ready to send them to us". Not everyone was nice and understanding though. A lot of people assumed that since it was easy for them to get pregnant and have healthy children that it must be easy for everyone so if we didn't have children it must be because we didn't want them. Some people accused me of not wanting to lose my figure and of course there was the occasional reminder that "having children is a commandment from God so you better get on it". That last one made me want to scream and tear their hair out. I had a pretty rough time for most of 2011 with unfortunately the holidays being the most difficult. I was starting to become frustrated with myself and the situation. It wasn't that I wanted to be pregnant right then, I just wanted to know what was wrong with me so that I could work on fixing it. I am a believer that patience does not mean sitting and waiting for something to happen. You need to be actively working towards a goal. I felt like Mike and I needed answers and we weren't getting any.

Luckily, since moving Mike and I have gone to get some answers and some have been unexpected and some were exactly what I thought they would be. I'm grateful for those people who weren't judgmental of us and for those who listened to me rant when I needed it. So that's the back story, to know whats happening currently please read the next post.

Come on you guys know the suspense is killing you :)

The Beginning

 Disclaimer: This post contains more personal information about my issues. If you are uncomfortable with womanly topics then please don't continue. If you would like to know about my issues and our plans for our family then please read on :)

After living in Spartanburg for about 6 months, Mike and I started the process of getting answers about what we needed to do to start our family.We knew that we needed to start by reminding ourselves of what had happened so far. I suggested that we go to MUSC so that I could request my records. So over Christmas of 2012 we went and got them but since I had more than I thought they had to be mailed to us. So that took a couple weeks but eventually we got them. I read over them as soon as they were in my hands because I was so anxious. I wanted to make sure I hadn't forgotten something or that their wasn't something that I was forgetting or had never heard. So I read them but since I'm not a doctor of any kind or versed in medical terminology I didn't understand a whole lot of it. I really wanted Mike to read over them though. Not only would he be able to understand more than me but he would also have the whole picture before going to talk with the doctor.

When he read over them (about 2 weeks before the doctors appt. which was in February) he found something interesting. Before I explain what he found, I need to explain that I have been going to a chiropractor for the last 7 months or so. When he did x-rays he found that I have occiputalization of my first cervical vertebra, this means that my first cervical vertebra is slightly fused to my skull. This makes it hard for the lower vertebra to move and it makes with some other issues with my spine, my second vertebra is putting pressure on my spinal cord and brain stem. This was confirmed when we got my 5 year old MRI report.

On February 20, 2013 we went and saw a reproductive endocrinologist. I was so nervous! I really had no idea what to expect because when I asked my previous endocrinologist about having children in the future she said that since I wasn't married and trying their was no point in having that discussion. Anyway, we got to the appointment and I was nervous but excited that we were finally moving forward. I knew that this wasn't going to mean we could suddenly get pregnant but I was hoping we could get some answers pertaining to why we couldn't get pregnant.

I have to start by saying that we got the best doctor! For now we'll call him Dr. L. He is so optimistic about our options and future which helps me to be hopeful and optimistic. I had so many questions and in some cases I asked the same ones in multiple ways to be sure we got the same answer. He was very patient and answered them as many times as I needed. First of all, he disagrees with MUSC a little bit. He doesn't think that my pituitary gland is the source of the problem. He thinks that my hypothalamus isn't sending the signal to my pituitary gland. This could be caused by the fact that my spinal cord is pressed up against the back of my skull. So its a good thing that I'm going to the chiropractor to work on getting that problem fixed. However, that could take a while and we don't want to wait years and years to have children  especially since that problem may not be able to be fixed completely. So we talked about some of the other options we have.

Basically, since this lack of signal is my only problem (that we know of right now), Dr. L isn't categorizing me as infertile. He is renaming my issue hypothalamic amenorrhea. (Translated: No periods due to a dysfunctional hypothalamus) We decided that the safest course of action would be to make sure that my body was still able to go through a regular cycle before trying to get pregnant. We also needed to have an ultrasound done just to make sure the plumbing is clear. So Dr. L prescribed Vivelle Dots or estrogen patches. Basically I wear the patch for 4 days and then I change it. He started me out on the .05 dose which I used for 2 weeks. At the end of those 2 weeks, I was supposed to start the .075 patch for another 2 weeks. At this point if nothing was happening then I would go on the .1 patch for 2 more weeks. After 6 weeks of the patch, I start progesterone and take it for 10 days. This is a pill that tells my body to start my period. After 10 days I should start my period. If I don't then we go in because that means something more serious is wrong. Hopefully though my period does start and ends on its own. Once my period ends, I continue wearing the estrogen patches for another 6 weeks and then do the progesterone again and cycle again. So basically the plan is to have a period once every 6 weeks and to go through the process at least twice before we even think of trying to get pregnant.

If everything goes according to the plan then in late summer to early Fall we will meet with Dr. L again to discuss our options for getting pregnant. We haven't gone into a lot of detail since we aren't at that point, all we know is that hopefully we can make this happen as "naturally" as possible. At this point I've been doing this for 3 weeks and other than being more emotional than normal and moody, I feel fine. Right now I'm nervous that I won't start my period and that we'll have to pursue other options and I'm also excited for the possibility that this might work. So I'm just trying to stay busy...luckily I get to go to work and play with 6 of the most adorable little boys in the world and they keep me plenty distracted from my problems :)

I can't even begin to describe how much better I've felt in the last three weeks. By going to the doctor and doing something about the problem I feel amazing. I know we didn't fix the problem but their is power in knowledge. In having your questions answered and letting people in on your fears. I may still not know if Mike and I can have children or how long it may take if we can but for the first time in a while I don't feel so broken. I feel hopeful in the future and I know that whatever happens is all part of our Heavenly Father's plan. He knows what is best and what we are ready for. It's taken me about a year to reach this point of being hopeful and optimistic and I know its going to take a lot of work to stay in this mindset but I am hopeful for the future no matter what it is :)

My Trip to the ER

TMI warning!

So 2 weeks ago I experienced one of my first's....I went to the Emergency Room. I woke up on a Thursday morning and I felt sick so I called in sick to work. I figured I just had the flu that's going around so I told Mike he could go to school. I laid down and relaxed and I started to feel a little better. I decided that I would take a nice hot shower and then work on some ideas for a bulletin board at work. When I got out of the shower my stomach started hurting. I felt nauseous and kind of dizzy. So I laid down again and drank some more water. About an hour later the pain was so bad that I couldn't stand up. Anytime I moved at all I felt like someone was punching me in the stomach repeatedly. So I called Mike and asked him to come home. I hadn't gotten sick yet but I felt awful. We called Dr. L but he said we should go to the emergency room to see what was wrong.

So Mike drove faster than he has ever driven to Spartanburg Regional. (Funny story: Apparently on the way to the hospital I was telling Mike that we couldn't go because I was wearing sweats, I didn't have any makeup on and my hair wasn't done. He kept telling me it didn't matter but I was arguing that it did matter and that no one could see me that way....good to know I had my priorities straight ;)

So basically, I hated this hospital first of all, the entrance for the emergency room is in the back. So you have to drive all the way around the hospital to get to it....you know cause the people who are going to the ER aren't in a rush or anything.  So we go inside and I have to sit down right away cause my abdominal region is hurting so bad. So we sit and we sit and finally go into triage after about 20 minutes or so. Then we go back out and sit some more. Finally I tell Mike I need to go to the bathroom but there is only one and its being used. Which was fine since I couldn't even make it to the door before the world began spinning and I collapsed against the wall and couldn't move. So Mike went and got me a wheelchair to sit in. The best part was that he got me one that I could curl up in and practically lay down. So while we waited I tried to sleep and I did a little bit. Finally after 2 hours we were called into another office to tell a RN about my problem again and then we registered.

After we registered we waited for another 2 hours (its been 4 so far if you're counting) and finally went back to a room. Now I'm not crazy. I know that you have to wait a long time when you go to an emergency room. I didn't expect to be able to just go see the doctor. However it was frustrating seeing people come in after me and leave the hospital before I even saw the doctor and to see people sitting around talking on cell phones and complaining that they had been waiting for 30 minutes. However, this isn't the reason that this hospital is crap.

When we finally got back, the nurse had to do all the preliminary vital checks. So she checked my blood pressure, then she did an EKG, and of course she had to draw blood and hook me up to an IV. Now I've had blood drawn quite a few times so I'm pretty used to it by now. I really wasn't expecting it to hurt much and I knew that as long as I didn't watch I would be fine. Suddenly I feel a pain that overshadowed my abdominal pain (which was a lot less now that I was laying down again but still) and I hear the nurse tell Mike that she needs him to go get a nurse to get her more gauze cause I have blood running down my arm. I'm thinking "what the heck did you do?" She was moving the needle around like crazy and it took forever for her to draw the blood and get the IV in. When she finally did I just looked at her thinking "really you could have just let me do it myself....probably would've had the same result but at least I'm not supposed to know what i'm doing you moron"

Then she tells me that I need to have a CT scan done to rule out some things like appendicitis. I'm fine with that and I go sit in a recliner in the little waiting area. Suddenly she says that Mike can't wait with me. He has to back out to the general waiting room. I started freaking out. When I'm in pain I like to have someone with me. Nothing is scarier than being in pain, not knowing why and being alone. So he leaves and I'm scared, in pain and I'm so cold that I'm shaking. I couldn't get up so I just sat there. Then a nice gentleman who was waiting for the results of his tests went and got a nurse and told her that I needed help. When she came over I asked for a blanket and for her to please go ask my husband to call my parents and give them an update. (I had forgotten my phone at home) Then I asked why exactly my husband couldn't stay with me. She responded by saying that the chairs were for patients and what if they were all full then their would be no where for family members to sit. I'm thinking then they would stand up but at least let them stay if the patient wants someone with them.

After a little while, a nurse comes back and hands me a cup and tells me to drink it. She walks away before I can ask what it is or why I have to drink it. So I drink it and it tasted like garbage. I felt like I was going to be sick. When she came back I asked her what it was and she said it was a drink to make things show up on the CT scan....she said it in a way that she was shocked that I had the nerve to ask what was being forced down my throat. Then she put another bag of fluids on the IV and also gave me some morphine and something for nausea and another cup of that stuff. I drank it fast and then the morphine kicked in. I suddenly wasn't in any pain and I fell fast asleep.

The nurse woke me up a little while later and told me I could go back in the room and wait to talk to the doctor. I was a little confused and dazed but I said ok. I went in and tried not to go back to sleep but I remember asking someone to go get Mike Epperson  because they had told me he could be there when the doctor came in. Anyway the doctor came in and Mike wasn't there. He told me that they weren't going to do the CT scan because the pain was everywhere and not centralized (so why did I have to drink that stuff?...the day just gets better and better). He says that I probably have a pelvic inflammatory disease which was caused by an STD. I look at him and respond with, "I'm 110% sure that I don't". He responds with rolling his eyes and writing something down. Then he leaves and the nurse unhooks the IV and gives me 4 antibiotics to take. Then she tells me to take Ibuprofen if I feel any pain and to consult a gynecologist in 4 days for a follow up. Ummm ok.......shouldn't I be taking more antibiotics over the next few days????

At this point we had been at the hospital for almost 7 hours, I hadn't eaten all day and I was exhausted. I found Mike and we went home. When I told him what the doctor said he immediately wanted a second opinion and said that the diagnosis made no sense. I couldn't have agreed more.

The next morning I was still feeling yucky so I called in sick to work and then called Dr. L's office to get that second opinion. I called and asked if we could come in as soon as possible and the nurse said they had an opening at 11am that day so I called Mike and told him that we needed to go to Greenville. Thankfully he only had to miss one class and it was a review day that he didn't need so we went to Greenville.We explained what happened to Dr. L and the look on his face when we told him the diagnosis we got was priceless. He was so close to calling them stupid for saying that without actually knowing anything. Instead he ordered an ultrasound for me. He thought maybe I had ovulated and wanted to make sure everything was good since I had been on estrogen for 2 weeks and this could have just been my bodies response to it.

So we got all set up and I had an internal ultrasound done (oh boy that was an experience). (This is where it gets a little personal so I'll just skip to the results). He said that their was a lot of fluid everywhere. He is pretty positive that this was from a ruptured ovarian cyst. We also found out that my body is responding well to the estrogen. It is preparing nicely for a period in a few weeks. Unfortunately with a cyst their is really nothing to do but let the fluid come out so that the pressure can be lessened and just let it pass. At least we know though that no more were forming and that everything internally looks good.

It took a few days but after about a week I started to feel like myself again. I went up to the .075 estrogen patch for the last 2 weeks and that went well with nothing unusual happening. Yesterday I started the Progesterone. I will take this pill every night for the next 10 days. Hopefully at the end I will start my period. I'm really hoping this works and I keep thinking I'm probably one of the few women in the world who is actually looking forward to and hoping for her cycle to start.

We'll keep you updated on any changes. For now I'm just really hoping not to have anymore cysts form. We just hope things keep going well :)

No Place Like Home

So we have lived in our apartment for about 8 months now. I have been saying that I wouldn't post any pictures until I had it looking exactly like I wanted but since I can't afford to have everything I want and I want to remember my home, I decided to post pictures. I figure if something changes then I'll just have more to blog about :)

Welcome to our home :)

This is the view from the front door. I love how open it is. I also love our dining table.

The view from the couch :)

 I was so happy that we got lamps and end tables when we moved here. Especially when we got them for free :)

 This is our guest room for now. Hopefully it will be a nursery someday but for now its just a place to put stuff

My favorite part of this apartment is that we have 2 bathrooms. This way when we have company we don't have to share or have 5 or more people using one bathroom. 

 Mike's study area aka the sun room

 Another reason I love this apartment is that we have a 'garage'. Its fits our bikes perfectly :)

 I love the kitchen and the laundry room is through those doors. I thought that would be annoying but it actually hasn't bothered me too much. Its nice that is away from the bedrooms.

This is what you see when you walk in to our house :)

We love our home! Its bigger than anything we had in Rexburg which is good and bad. Its great to have more space but that also means that I want to fill that space which I can't do. One of my favorite things about it is that its so open. I can be in the kitchen but I don't feel closed off from everything and everyone. I also love that we are just a few miles from Sherman and its a nice drive to work for me. It's also pretty quiet here which is nice. We're excited to make this our home for the next few years :)

Here Today....Gone Tomorrow

I'm talking about snow in Spartanburg! Although in this case, its here today.....gone in a few hours and the only reason I'm staying that long is cause I'm falling faster than I can melt. Anytime that the forecast predicts snow Mike and I laugh a little. We laugh because we know the town will shut down and everyone will rush to the store for bread and milk and anything else they need like the forecast predicted Armageddon. (Although I will admit the ice around here is a little worrisome).

Since it does get icy (the reason for the ice is cause the snow melts quickly but then it drops below freezing at night, creating a lot of black ice), we like to stay inside our nice apartment and just watch the pretty snow fall while drinking cocoa. People have asked if we go outside and play in it or if we get excited....ummm no. We have had our fill of snow. We lived in Rexburg for a few years and had snow from September til April....we're good. I think we need to be away from it long enough to miss it. However, I have said that if we had children then we would have taken them out to play in it but since we don't we could stay inside.

I will admit it was fun to watch it fall and it was pretty. But I also know that it was pretty cause I didn't have to go anywhere or do anything :)

I'm pretty sure our car felt right at home :)

I thought it looked really pretty with the trees all covered

As a side note.....it was like 65 degrees and sunny the next day. Ah life in South Carolina.